Five Empowerment Life & Motherhood Lessons
5 ways to take control and make the most of who you are and what you have to offer – to ourselves, to others, and to the world at large.
Turning 40 is an exciting milestone!
Is it, really?
I’m OK with ageing, don’t get me wrong. But I don’t quite get the fuss around birthdays. I prefer it low key…
But somehow I can’t help it and reflect on those past 40 years on this planet.
Here are my 5 Empowerment Lessons learned:
1. Don’t give up on your dreams
As a teenager, my family moved to a small village which made it impossible to achieve my dream of becoming an olympic athlete competing in running and high jump. The village was built around coal mining and there were no activities for young people to excel in. All hope was lost until a new dream, the dream of traveling the world took root in my heart.
The term “digital nomad” was not around when I graduated from university with a Tourism degree, but I knew that was the life I wanted to live. Asia, South America, Africa,anywhere really , discovering the world’s different cultures, being free and living a life full of adventure.
After graduating, I moved to London planning to stay for one year which ended up being 10 fantastic years.London is an amazing city which allowed me to build my career, meet lots of interesting people, and have a great time However, so many friends were leaving after a year or two to pursue other opportunities and eventually the time came where I grew fed up with saying goodbye to friends who left the buzzing city for other opportunities.I was also missing my family and was ready to return to Germany and “settle down”.. Then, as fate would have it, I met this amazing man who also worked in tourism and had a refreshing sense of humor. This man is now my husband and father of my boys.
Our tiny apartment in the city soon got too small and we found an incredibly beautiful three storey Victorian house with stained windows and several fireplaces. I could picture our young family creating many memories there.
However, we never moved into that house and instead moved south of the equator to the paradise island of Mauritius. It was the most spontaneous and best decision I have ever made and resulted in my life dramatically changing for the better.
Never give up on your dreams, I went from a small coal mining town in Germany to living my best life on a tropical island. Keep an open mind to other dreams that could exist & hold space for possibilities and opportunities that on face value may not seem like the straight path to your goals.
We see giving up on a dream as negative, but by giving up on one dream you could open a path to living your best life. Trust your instincts and remember: Nothing is forever.
2. Go back to the basics
Looking back at my life, making decisions that bring me closer to my dreams have always been my strength. They were not always easy decisions to make and the outcomes were not always clear ,but by making them I knew I was getting step by step closer to realising my dreams.
Empowerment to me means making conscious decisions, trusting yourself and taking charge of your destiny through constant action.
Empowerment is about taking responsibility for our own lives, for our own happiness, for the direction we take, and for the circumstances we create for ourselves.
I learnt this lesson the hard way when I came to realise motherhood is not what I dreamt of.
Like so many moms I lost myself in motherhood. I was drifting along, sleep deprived, stretched too thin for too long and eventually burned out.
The unrealistic expectation and pressure to be the perfect mother and having a fulfilling career lead to me living a life of chronic resentment and anger. Throw in guilt and shame and a toxic mix of disempowered emotions was created.
When kids are little, the years go by incredibly fast during which I had lost sight of my dreams, until I got a wakeup call.
My mother passed very unexpectedly on her last day of vacation in Mauritius. My world was shaken and the quiet voice in my head saying “there must be more to life” became louder and louder.
I realised that I too had fallen into that boring life that as a teenager I rebelled against. The self sacrificing life of a mother and self doubt was holding me back from fulfilling my potential. I had gotten myself into that tiny box of society’s definition of motherhood. I had closed the lid on myself but eventually understood that I could be the one to open the lid.
The time came to go back to the basics, do the inner work, to understand who I am and to define the LIFE I want to live? Stop looking for others’ validation. Stop following the “shoulds” of society. Instead look inward to find your values and aligned action.
Get out of the fear based life that holds us back. Start taking the tiny steps needed to reclaim your power.
3. Life is not about finding yourself but creating yourself.
I always loved my work even when I was working 9 to 5 in tourism marketing. There was a period of time where I was bullied by a woman at work that didn’t want me to succeed. She put a lot of obstacles in my pathand Over time I became really miserable. I’d complain, make sarcastic comments, engage in office gossip and dread going to work… I was stuck in victim mode.
Then I had my first taste of coaching during a leadership program. I finally realised that this woman felt threatened by me. Rather than being the victim, I wanted to be the leader. My response to and behaviour in this situation was the opposite of what I value. Realising this, I decided to take my power back and not engage at all. I would in fact treat her with respect and kindness, support her and her team and lead with my value of integrity and empowerment because that is the person I want to be. I chose me at that moment and then she stopped.
When we get to the heart of what drives us (our values) and use that as our North Star in everything we do, we get to create our path. Life is not about finding yourself but creating yourself (quote by George Bernard Shaw). It’s about unlearning ,learning and relearning. It’s about accepting yourself fully.
Oftentimes we are much more capable of creating solutions that create opportunities to grow that allow us to become the person we are inspired to be.
4. Give & Receive
In 2019 I had my second baby, lost my job at the end of 2019 and decided to start my own business. A couple of months later, the pandemic hit which resultedIn one of the toughest times of my life having to juggle a baby, a 5 year old who refused to do any online learning, a new business and a husband who was working from home but unable to give much support due to pressures in his job.
I was not coping very well. And for probably the first time in my life, I felt I wasn’t able to do it on my own.
My parents raised me to be independent, I had to look after my little brother, always made my own decisions, and always wanted to be a strong and independent woman. I told myself I did not need anyone and will always be self-sufficient even in very tough times.
However, I had to learn that an empowered mother (women) is not necessarily an independent mother (women)! Trying to do it all alone only leads to burn out!
If we equate success with independence, we can isolate ourselves and get trapped into cycles of depletion, struggle and challenge.
Opposite to independence, empowerment is so much more about giving & receiving. I opened myself up to receiving support when I was unable to overcome obstacles and in return I am now able to provide other women and mothers the tools they need to create their own Magic Mum Life.
I only got through this period of time because I had help from other women. Finding and allowing powerful mentors and allies into your life is an incredibly simple yet effective way to create empowerment. For many,including me, the key may lie in accepting and letting go of the self limiting belief that we should be independent enough to handle it by ourselves. We ought to learn to accept help and that doing so is not a weakness.
5. We have a choice
I never expected that so much of parenting would be about MY big emotions, not my childs!
I didn’t anticipate that my child could trigger such huge emotions in me …anger, frustration, helplessness, uncertainty, and even fear.
Parenting brings up a lot of our unresolved or buried emotions and many of us didn’t learn how to regulate our emotions effectively.
It’s not the actual behaviour of our child that is upsetting, it’s how it makes us feel.
There’s a connection between how we feel and how we behave. As mothers this shows up in moments where we say something to or react to our children in ways we don’t feel proud of.. Our own inner world is so much connected to how we mother our children.
They don’t push our buttons, we do. Once you make the choice to invest in being in a better place mentally you will see how you become far less reactive and much more responsAble. We have a choice in how we react.
That’s why I’ve created the Magic Mum Life Makeover programme. Click here to find out more…